I stop still when my father grabs my hair. His grip is gentle, but I’m afraid of pulling anyway. My scalp always was sensitive. “What are you doing?”
“French braiding your hair.” I can feel him moving my hair in segments starting at the top of my scalp.
Memories of my mother french braiding my hair over the years, sometimes by request, flood my mind and I begin objecting. Even when I asked for the braid, she braided it so tightly every movement in the process felt like she’d tear out clumps any moment. I remember my mom said the tight rein on the braid was necessary or it fell apart.
Furthermore, I remembered last time she french braided my hair on request. It still hurt and all my little, uneven hairs poofed out within the hour, making the braid look like a sudden prison break in a nudist colony (you’re welcome for that image).
“I won’t hurt you, don’t worry.”
I doubt he’s listening. “French braids always hurt going in, and they look like crap when all my little hairs poof out.” However, he remains silent, still maneuvering my hair around and I realize he’s braiding it far too loose, but it actually feels nice. I think, maybe a loose braid works better with my hair. I can always take it out later if I don’t like it.
He finishes and I thank him, last night’s dream takes a brief detour until I remember the braid and never checking it. I look in the mirror and see the goofiest hairstyle I ever laid eyes on. Far from being a French braid, my hair is swept up in a giant poofy wave with little pearls and bows tied in a pattern throughout it.
And my waking brain thought the Leia buns my mom put in my hair once were horrid. I hate poofy and I am not fond of bows, pearls I can take or leave. In the dreamland, however, it was merely different. I thought it odd, rather weird, but I never bothered removing the style. You can think a Marie Antoinette up-do attempt but poofier, more hair and bows all over, and as attempted by a father rather than a professional stylist (who may or may not be a father). Either way I accepted it and moved on. Being odd never bothered me anyway.
The source of the dream (I think; watch it directly on youtube to get the captions to work):
Over the past two days, I’ve felt my potential ready to burst through and take command of my life, resisting constraints once placed on it I always accepted. It’s like that video from frozen, in slow motion. I should be building ice castles and defying frost bite any day now. Gonna let it go soon, cause being odd never really bothered me anyway.
Apparently, in dreams, the person in certain roles reflects the role they fill in your life, rather than the person themselves. My mother’s family has the tightest holds on what I should be and do (though, don’t let the dream fool you, they are very supportive and nurturing, and my mother is my first inspiration for writing after my sister), but for some reason my father always represented the source of my creative spirit and thirst.
They’re divorced now, so I’m treading a fine line with feelings here, but I guess I’m saying, I inherited the spirit and thirst from my father while my mother nurtured the direction and care…though I love singing too, my mom is pretty good, but my dad inspires my love of music.
Okay, look you two, since you both sometimes read my blog, you both inspire me, okay!
I think this dream is telling me it’s time to let go and follow the thirst again after nurturing and feeding the form for so long. Boiled down simply, quit pulling myself so tight in when it’s never fully controlled nor hid who I am anyway (yeah, I’m the little nudist hairs I guess…look, they’re only nude because my hairs don’t wear orange jump suits).
Not that I’m actively hiding who I am, I just show it in small doses to special people…and when it comes to my mother’s side… Sorry, I just can’t follow the exact spiritual path tread by many of you. It’s a personal journey for me. Don’t be too pleasantly shocked when I share in whatever eternal glory awaits anyway.
As for my father’s side…I don’t know them nearly as well, so I guess there’s much less a pull to fit perfectly and agree with the rest of the braid?
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How about the rest of my readers? It’s almost the day of resolutions for those of us who begin our years on January 1st. Is there some old tie or control keeping you down? Cut it loose and let it go. Share your potential in comments and look to it for your resolutions and inspiration. Live in the spirit and paths that call you and embrace brilliance. Even if you still need experience…I still need experience! I plan to let go and play like I own the game anyway.
Time to see what we can do.
Muse Sings 